Saturday 25 April 2015

I find the idea of people who knows me reading what I write is quite terrifying these days.

And probably, that's why I haven't written anything here. I just don't want to be read as me. I want to write something and people who read it just be like oh yeah somebody wrote this haha fun.

I also kind of dream about my sanctuary more and more lately that I really consider opening a new bank account where I'll just transfer some of my money monthly to that account and use it someday to get a new place for myself. Unfortunately I can't be done until at least when I'm 17 and that's not so long anymore so there's that I guess.

I don't know. It's just that I want to get away from something. Someone. Start new. Not me.

so bye.

Wednesday 15 April 2015

"Remembering Sunday"


he woke up from dream and then put on his shoes
started making his way past two in the morning
he hasn't been sober for days

leaning now into the breeze
remembering sunday
he falls to his knees
they had breakfast together
but two eggs don't last like the feeling of what he needs

now this place seems familiar to him
she pulled out his hand with the devilish grin
she led him upstairs
she led him upstairs
left him dying to get it

forgive me i'm trying to find
my calling i'm calling at night
i don't meant to be a bother but
have you seen this girl?

she's been running through my dreams
and it's driving me crazy it seems
i'm going to ask her to marry me

even though she doesn't believe in love
he's determined to call her bluff
who could deny these butterflies
that filling his gut?

waking the neighbours
unfamiliar faces
he pleads though
he tries
but he's only denied
now he's dying to get inside

forgive me i'm trying to find
my calling
i'm calling at night
i don't mean to be a bother but
have you seen this girl?

she's been running through my dreams
and it's driving me crazy it seems
i'm going to ask her to marry me

the neigbour said she moved away
funny how it rained all day
i didn't think much of it then
but it starting to all make sense
oh i can see now
that all of these clouds are
following me in my desperate endeavour
to find my whoever
wherever she may be

i'm not coming back
i've done something so terrible
i'm terrified to speak
but you'd expect that from me
i'm mixed up i'll be blunt now the rain is
washing you out of my hair
and out of my mind
keeping an eye of the world
from so many thousands of feet off the ground
i'm over you now i'm at home in the clouds
towering over your head

i guess i'll go home now
i guess i'll go home now
i guess i'll go home now
i guess i'll go home.
there is this ache.

right here. *points heart*

but also here. *touches right side of bottom lip*

and here. *rubs the back of neck*

it's still bearable. but maybe won't for long.

maybe i can't wait until i get 21.

maybe i can't even wait until i graduate.

who knows.

i wish...