Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Euforia

Jerit dan teriakan terdengar begitu keras dari satu dua tiga gedung. Suara-suara itu tak mau berhenti dan orang-orang berlarian dan bumi berguncang dan dinding bergetar dan suara-suara itu menggema ke sekeliling tempat. Ke arah manapun kami menoleh suara itu terus terdengar.

Begitu keras hingga akhirnya Nao memutuskan meninggalkanku.

*

"Hai Toriii," sapa Nao saat Tori lewat untuk kedua kalinya, kali ini tangannya memegang boks makanan. Di belakangnya, Annisa dan Diana mengikuti. Melihat gelas plastik berisi cairan coklat dalam gelas Annisa, aku sontak menyeringai.

"Mau majak!"

Annisa menjerit kecil lalu berlari, dengan penuh semangat aku mengikutinya. Saat aku berhasil menjajarinya, akhirnya ia menyerah sambil tertawa dan menyodorkanku bubble drink rasa coklat itu, yang tanpa tahu malu kusedot banyak-banyak.

"Udah! Udah!"

Aku mengeluarkan suara yang mirip tawa dari dadaku, karena mulutku penuh. Aku mengerucutkan bibir dan memberinya kecup jauh dan berbalik. Diana mengangkat bubble drink miliknya yang berwarna biru dan - seharusnya - memiliki rasa bubble gum. "Dilla, mau sabun?"

"Ew," aku mengerutkan wajah jijik. "Gak. Makassih."

Diana tertawa dan masuk ke kelasnya. Saat aku kembali duduk di hadapan Nao di depan lab. kimia, ia sedang menyuruh Tori masuk kelas.

"Udah, makan sana," ujar Nao sambil mengial ke arah kelas Tori.

"Oke," jawab Tori pelan sambil tersenyum.

"Aku berasa tua tau kalau sama dia," Nao mengempaskan punggungnya ke tiang tembok (atau apapun itu namanya). "Soalnya dia tuh sering merhatiin orang, kan. Orang ngobrol, ngumpul, atau ngapain, dia ikut. Terus dia nemeniiin aja terus, sampe lupa makan. Makanya kusuruh makan."

Aku hendak menyahut, mengatakan sesuatu tentang Kamu induk ayamnya Tori ciap ciap tetapi kemudian speaker berbunyi dan suara seorang wakasek menggema ke mana-mana. Suaranya dipantulkan dari satu sudut ke sudut lain di ruang terbuka ini hingga kami tidak bisa mendengar apapun. Meskipun begitu, mereka yang berada cukup dekat dengan kelas-kelas sontak mendekati pintu untuk mendengar pengumuman itu.

Setidaknya tiga puluh detik kemudian, sorak sorai terdengar. Jerit dan teriakan terdengar begitu keras dari satu dua tiga gedung. Suara-suara itu tak mau berhenti dan orang-orang berlarian dan bumi berguncang dan dinding bergetar dan suara-suara itu menggema ke sekeliling tempat. Ke arah manapun kami menoleh suara itu terus terdengar. Begitu keras hingga akhirnya Nao memutuskan meninggalkanku dan menghampiri seorang guru yang lewat di depan ruang Tata Usaha. Euforia itu begitu meledak-ledak dan dengan cepat menular meski aku masih menerka-nerka apa sebabnya, tapi tidak sesulit itu menebak alasan teriakan-teriakan primitif kemenangan dari mulut-mulut remaja SMA. Suara-suara itu terdengar seolah kami adalah para tawanan dalam penjara selama beberapa tahun yang dibebaskan tanpa syarat. Seperti teriakan para terjajah yang akhirnya merdeka. Seolah obat/vaksin bagi kanker, HIV/AIDS, ebola, ALS, MERS, dan berbagai penyakit mematikan lainnya telah ditemukan.

Begitu keras, jika sang malaikat meniup trompet tanda kiamat telah datang pun tak akan terdengar.

Nao kembali padaku dengan mata berseri-seri. "Pulang!" katanya. "Sekolah dibubarkan!"

"Pulang!?" aku melonjak. "PULANG?"

Aku ikut bersorak-sorai bersama wajah-wajah yang hanya kuketahui namanya satu persen dari keseluruhan, dengan mereka yang tidak kukenal namun untuk lima menit yang singkat itu kami semua satu kesatuan yang padu.

Karena kami semua gembira sekolah dibubarkan.

Friday, 17 October 2014

Some Fangirl Thing

It's been a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time since I blog.

Tolong maafkan akuuuuu~ maafkan saajaaaaa~ *ganti lirik lagu Tulus*

Aku gak benar-benar yakin bahwa aku punya, kayak, "daily" reviewer atau pembaca yang secara berkala ngecek blogku untuk baca, tapi yang pasti aku minta maaf karena belum menulis lagi untuk waktu yang FEELS LIKE AN ETERNITY.

Mungkin karena akhir-akhir ini aku menulis jurnal dan sebelumnya blog adalah jurnal yang kupakai but oh well can't tell the world everything so.

BIG NEWS! I'VE FINISHED READING IGNITE ME! WOOHOOOOOOO!!!

For those of you who don't know, Ignite Me adalah buku ketiga dari trilogi Shatter Me karya Tahereh Mafi. Buku-bukunya secara berurutan adalah Shatter Me - Unravel Me - Ignite Me. Dan aku gak tau kalian tau atau nggak, tapi yang pasti karena dalam buku ini ada cinta segitiganya, I've took my side. #TeamWarnerForevah.

I love how Warner loves Juliette. I love how he was - is - very supportive to her even in times when he was being misunderstood. But he doesn't care.
"I see neither your forgiveness nor your approval. Because I do not have the luxury of philosophizing over scruples when I'm forced to act on basic instinct every day."
 He lives his life in his own way. But he'd do anything for Juliette. Warner doesn't think that Juliette is fragile or needs to be protected. He knows that she could protect herself - she just hasn't figured out how yet.
I take a tight breath. Focus on the brightest star in the sky. "I like the way I feel about myself when I'm with him," I say quietly. "Warner thinks I'm strong and smart and capable and he actually values my opinion. He makes me feel like his equal - like I can accomplish just as much as he can, and more. And if I do something incredible, he's not even surprised. He expects it. He doesn't treat me like I'm some fragile little girl who needs to be protected all the time."
I think being a vocal person I always need someone who doesn't think that I'm fragile (because I'm not) or needs to be protected (well sometimes true) because she can't defend herself (shit). And in this series, I just don't find those qualities in Adam. He treated Juliette like she's weak. And even though she was, that was because she was afraid. Afraid of the world. Afraid of herself. She doesn't need some sweet gentle guy who'll console her and always placing her behind his back. She needs a strong willing guy to take place behind her back and push her. If you keep saying that it's okay for your baby not to talk they will never even try to talk.

I just. I think I need my own Warner.

Friday, 3 October 2014

Coffee? Coffee.

And I guess once you stopped doing what you love you start to feel like you're lost and pressure begins to build up inside and they just keep growing and growing until you feel you cannot bear it anymore.

And I know it's been a while since I wrote here and I know that none of you probably miss me waiting to see another writing, but I do miss blogging.

Physically I don't see anything changes dramatically. I see my schedules, my routines, and things, I don't see any dramatic changes. But mentally. That's another thing. Mentally I feel changed. More like challenged. And I don't really like being challenged. Now I have this sort of anxiety-like when I'm around a large group of people. Like seriously just thinking about it just now, I don't feel comfortable, I shivered, and I just like... ugh.

I don't really think I could explain this anxiety-like thing that I feel to you but honestly who cares well I do care but I shouldn't.

I want to paint my walls. I hate this color. And I hate the writings I put on it even MORE. Not really hate, more like dislike. I wrote these things when I was in a lost-like condition. They turn out... ew.

My friend wrote a book; have I told you this before? It's called Gravedancer. He published it indie-ly. Unfortunately. Oh em gee, that rhymey. Okay I forced the last one but what do you know.

It's not that I don't like or don't trust indie publishers, but here; anyone can write anything then throw it to the indie publisher if they have enough money then call it a book. Which is why I prefer books from major publishers. But oh well. The Gravedancer was the first book out of ten, if I'm not wrong. He promised not to overdo the series like what - ahem - Clare did but ten's still pretty much kinda many. But apparently the Gravedancer alone is only about 119 pages so I'm cool with that. I printed it and wrote pretty many notes on it. I planned to send it to him but I'll just wait for him to send me the REAL printed version of Gravedancer.

Well.

My room is a mess. My head is a maze. I finally watched the Maze Runner today. As a movie it was good. Like, the kind of good that makes you want to watch it again. But as a movie adaptation out of book; pretty disappointing. Many scenes were either cut or changed. I was hoping for it to be... merrier, is that what you call it? But it was quite... deserted. And if I wrote it wrong well I'm sorry I was too lazy to think I just typed it into Google.

What have you done Dilla you should be ashamed.

Well anyway, I've got plenty of things to do like my class project on drama. Not that kind of drama but the kind of drama you watch on, like, idk stages or something. The script haven't done yet and we're going to play it in November. We literally have got nothing done. Oh what a beautiful life this is.

Said with enthusiasm as big as dust particles.

Friday, 26 September 2014

watercolor

Do you ever feel
You've got something to say
And you've got images in your head
But you don't know how
How to arrange the words

Do you ever feel
Like it was so clear inside
But you find it hard
To make people understand
And so you say,

"I swear I know
Let me try once again
See, I saw it there
How can you not see?"

And you keep trying
And you keep failing
Too many times that you lost count
And people almost lose faith in you

And you said once again,
"I swear I know
I didn't lie
It's just that you didn't see the same truth as I do"

Then comes the time when
You finally going to give up
But there's one little voice inside says,
"No, not now"

And you try again
And you fail again
And now you question why
Why on earth are you reading this

Well, to be honest I don't know
But I was just trying to show you
Images that I saw in my head
But I keep failing that I give up
But there it is, the word I've been searching all these paragraphs.

"Watercolor."

Saturday, 20 September 2014

Ngupil Itu Nikmat.

Ketika tekanan nilai, peringkat, tugas, dan kewajiban sebagai pelajar terlalu membebani sampai aku melakukan hal yang belum pernah kulakukan sebelumnya:

Aku mencukur rambut halus di betisku.

Rambut halus, bukan bulu. Aku mamalia, bukan unggas.

Dan saat aku memilih berprokrasinasi dengan jalan membersihkan kamar mandi ketimbang menghadapi naskah drama yang harus kuselesaikan, kau tahu aku sudah stress.

Belum lagi tadi aku iseng-iseng membuat es krim pisang tapi gulanya terlalu banyak, aku sampai mau muntah. Isinya cuma tiga potong pisang, selai kacang dan coklat, serta susu lho. Dan kubuat sendiri tuh. Terbayang makanan dan minuman yang diproses itu, yang kadar gulanya super tinggi. Apa coba isinya, sampai badanku sanggup menahan gula yang begitu banyak?

Kurasa mengapa aku kini nyaris tidak memiliki waktu adalah karena meskipun sekolah tidak terlalu beda dengan tahun lalu, kini aku lebih sadar dengan tanggung jawab dan kewajibanku. Dan itu. sama sekali. tidak. menyenangkan.

Aku benci menjadi orang bertanggungjawab. Orang yang bertanggungjawab sulit bersenang-senang. Orang yang bertanggungjawab punya beban. Dan aku nggak pernah mau jadi orang yang bertanggungjawab. Aku cuma ngulang-ngulang nih, di sini.

Setan cilik.

November nanti, kelasku akan menampilkan drama terkait Bulan Bahasa. Ceritanya dari kelas sepuluh sampai dua belas IBB-Bahasa bakal tampil. Dan drama kelasku tuh... ceritanya... dark banget...

Aku sampe gak kuat nulisnya.

Aku mau muntaaaaahhh :c ini manis banget sampe giung.

Eh omong-omong, tadi aku jalan keliling komplek dan sprint entahberapakali bolak-balik. Wks.

AAAAAAAAHHH AKU LUPA CARA BLOGGING.

Yah senggaknya kalian tahu aku masih hidup. Wks.

Ciao.